I wasn’t exactly sure whether or not to share this, because I thought that the things people write are very personal and they seem to be very brave if they choose to share it with others. So, I thought about it more and more and decided that I would share this little piece of myself with all of you. This is my first try at writing a poem and I would greatly appreciate some constructive criticism. Well here it is! I’m crossing my fingers!
“Neglecting Strength” by Rin (or myself)
infusing with his mind, closing on his soul
a mind with no control
drastic is the bridge that broke
the water that flooded the barriers of benignity
shards of glass that created his sky,
and so the deranged thoughts became his entity, his new identity.
mind filled with iniquity
his crazed thoughts ruining his empathy,
–his world filled with overbearing satisfaction for the grim
piled in their haste to escape the cage
the last fall; it has cracked
fortitude lost, audacity weakened
tick tock, tick tock
it seeps in, consuming
his entire being
Meaning of “Neglecting Strength”
I will be honest here and say that the message that I was originally going for did not really come through as clear as I had hoped. The story of the poem or what was physically or in this case mentally happening was that a person gave up on strength. Whoever this was no longer believed that staying strong, they let it go and forgot about it. This leads to losing themselves in the insanity that they were originally trying to fight.
Yet, the inside meaning of the poem was that you should never give up on staying strong, because the second you let go, you will become consumed by what you were trying very hard to fight.
A deck of cards, time (example: the clock), and being consumed by something. Whether by fear, happiness, sadness, excitement, etc.
note: If any of you have any comments or advice and constructive criticism, I would love to hear them down below!